i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you inspire me to be a worse person
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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