***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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