We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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