I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
