Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
