Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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