TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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