Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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