I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
