I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
