guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
