me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
