My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
its liver damage thursday
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
