I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize