My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
