I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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