in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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