just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
