im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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