he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
