Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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