My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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