Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize