I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
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