i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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