I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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