Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
