i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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