why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
