this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
