I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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