I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
