I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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