Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
