when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
