Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You are a genius and a whore.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
