Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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