chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
