There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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