One girl and one boy is just not enough.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I checked into jail on foursquare
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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