I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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