i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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