so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i now understand why vodka
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
