just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
