remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
