They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
