It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
