i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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