Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
