i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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