when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
