he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
