is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
