I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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