my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
