Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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