yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
