I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
