Apparently you make a good broom.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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