I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
