My room smells like vodka and shame
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
