The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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