is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
