My sheets look like a crime scene.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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