I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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