oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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