he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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