i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
