Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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