i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
