He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize