Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
