Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
