did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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