Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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